Starting Life.... for real this time.

Its been a long hard year. When I look back and really think about it, I hate the person I was in 2009. I made so many mistakes, some of which can never be fully reversed. I hurt the people I love and let them down countless times. I thought I was doing what was good for ME, but I was wrong. I was being selfish and stupid. Not one thing that I did "for myself" benefitted me or anyone else for that matter. One thing that I can say is that I learned alot about myself, about love, and life.
In this past year, I learned that I can be who God intended for me to be if I am truely seeking after him. This doesnt mean I just go to church and put on a happy Jesus freak face and pretend that I am doing well. It means I earnestly seek after him, I read my bible and pray daily and dig deeper than just the surface of being a "christian." I live my life as though Christ himself was physically walking along side me. I listen to the still small voice that discerns right from wrong. Above all, I love with unconditional love to God, to my family, my friends, and even those who have wronged me.
Love is a big word. It is hard to grasp the full meaning of the word when it is just a word. You have to see it in action. After all, love is a verb. It isnt just a discription or a feeling, its something you have to DO. This year the word love to me was taken very lightly. It was something that I could use with anyone and not really understand what I was saying. I got to see love in action when I went to Alaska to visit David's family. The love that they carry is so amazing, it can only be from God. It is unconditional, like no matter what I did or anyone else did they had this pationate love for them. They wanted what was best for me and for others. Not only did I get a taste of how God can love through others but I got to feel the intensity of direct love from my heavenly father. At the church I attended for the month and a half the holy spirit was so welcome and was invited to every service. This was something I had not experienced before. I would go to a service and just feel the love of God, it felt as it was literally breathed into my heart. This brought back a passion for life and I began to take back control of mine, what satan had destroyed God began to rebuild.
Life is something I was just living, dragging on day after day. I was bitter and cold until love brought back life. I am not focused on things of this world, like clothes, money, and looks.. those things literallly mean nothing to me. I found what is most important to me. God, love,family, friends. I know what road of life I want to head down and I know how to get there now. I know how to fight my own battles and how to stay strong in hardships without failing. I love life. I will be brave and I will do what is right.